New Year and a New Plan in 2010

I can't believe another year has flown by!!  Halloween seemed to zoom close and before I knew it here was Thanksgiving!  Now Christmas has passed and the New Year is fast approaching.  It's amazing how such a span of time can disappear so quickly.  And during that time not much was accomplished.  Of course some goals were reached and amazing revelations were realized, but I didn't plan for success this year.  I was too busy trying to catch up from the previous year. 

Hum...if I could accomplish a few things without any planning at all, I wonder how much could be accomplished within a year if each day one step was taken toward specific goals.  I know most of you are saying, "Duh!  That's called planning!"  I'm not talking the normal short term and long term goal planning or simple New Year's resolutions that fade away, but really busting it each day and trying to accomplish as much as possible in a balanced way.  What would my life look like at the end of the year?  Maybe 2010 would be the best yet?  Maybe 40 would be more of a blast than I ever imagined?

The areas of focus will be Spirit, Relationship, Health, Business, Finance and Simplicity/Homesteading.  I'm still not quite sure what the process will be yet, but a plan is in the works to be ready by January 1st.  I'm hoping jotting weekly reports on the blog will provide the accountability needed to stick with the plan.

So here's to a New Year, a New Plan and a New Me!!!

Turning 40

There I said it. I'm now the proud member of the elite club of those who have passed the ThirtySomething stage and headed straight into the oblivion of their 40's. This blog began as a way to reconnect with myself and to reach out to others who might be clueless as to who they really are.

We get so stuck in the throws of what society, our families and even friends think we should be. I've been stuck there myself. My life was planned out in my head...go to college, find my soul mate, get married, get a job, have kids and live happily ever after. But that hasn't happened.

For the longest time instead of thinking there might be a higher calling at work here, the assumption that I was the defunct one in life's medley cast of characters began to override my thoughts. Over 30, not married, no kids, no career to speak of and hating my life. That's not to say there hasn't been opportunity.  With engagements I knew in my heart that weren't the right match, as well as career advancements that followed the wallet and not heart, the calling for something more continued to guide my choices.  What that "something more" might be, I have no idea.  But I'm willing to trust that God has a plan that I can't quite see yet.

So after avoiding this blog for many months, I'm now turning inward again and bearing my soul, warts and all.

For some reason turning 30 was much harder. At that time the main focus of my days was to care for my Grandmother who just had a stroke. But somewhere amongst the desperation that my life was heading straight off a cliff, I had the big dream of starting a business. That dream helped to bridge the gap of days and weeks with no sleep. But instead of embracing this new gift of service to my Grandmother and using it as a catalyst to hone that dream, I began to feel my life slipping away. My life now became her life.

I knew deep down inside being there for her was where I needed to be, but on the other side anger began to well deep within my soul. Not at Grandmother, but at other family members who seemed to turn a blind eye to the needs of her new circumstance. Mother saw Grandmother's fragile state and the fear in her eyes. Mom wanted to make sure Grandmother was cared for in every way because in her heart honoring her Mother was first and foremost the most important thing...and it took a toll.

Inside I was angry at my Mother for not holding other family members accountable. I was angry that she had no boundaries and gave everything she had with nothing left for herself. Mom compromised her health and happiness, but did it because she felt deep within her heart it was the right thing to do. She gave her all for the sake of another...the Mother she loved. Mom never asked me to help, but I knew she couldn't do it alone. So I stepped in and let go of my own dreams...for the time being.

I was also angry at myself for being angry. Is that really possible? How could I be upset with my Mom, a compassionate woman answering the calling of her spirit to honor her own mother?!! It didn't make sense to me. I loved being with Grandmother and the moments we shared. I learned so much about her, her life experiences, her own dreams, and in turn learned a lot about myself. There was so much sacredness in the time we shared, but utter exhaustion, no support system and the dwindling health of Mom and myself began to cloud that sacredness. I know those who are caring for an elderly family member can totally understand this. You so badly want to be there, but physically it's impossible.

After 10 years I had gained about 150 pounds, my blood pressure was skyrocketing with each breath taken and Mom was on the brink of something we couldn't yet perceive. But amongst the feelings of hopelessness there was healing. This time of isolation proved to be a training ground for my soul. I don't think I passed with flying colors, and to be honest it was quite messy at times. Some days it was just about making it through and other days offered an abundance of magic and love. But through it all God was guiding me back to the person I lost several years prior. The person I would need to fall in love with all over again in order to make the dreams within my heart come to life.

Storms...

This evening we had the most magical thunder storm we've had in a while! Flashing beams of light darting across the sky, casting shadows all around. Then the clouds opened up, offering a downpour of nature's tears. I love storms. There's something so cathartic about watching the chaos of whipping wind, electric beams and heavy rain drops from the security of home.

It reminds me of the uncertainty of life and the storms we each face. If we look at the storms while we're standing in the rain, we're sure to be hit by lightening. But if we surround ourselves in the home of God, those storms become something mystical...the fear turns into wonder. We begin to look at the mysteriousness of what is taking place and begin to see the beauty in it.

Something that has the potential to be terrifying is transformed into a deeper moment of depending on God. We are able to see what is happening in a different light. Instead of running to find cover, we stand in awe of the power before us. We appreciate the rain that waters the land, wait with excitement for the next flash of light to show and count the seconds until we hear the boom of thunder.

I love to light a few candles in the fireplace, turn off all the lights and watch the light show from the safety of home. The next time you find yourself in a storm, take a deep breath, find a home in the safety of God's arms, light some candles and watch the show with different eyes. You have nothing to fear. Just know that the storm will pass soon enough and you will come away with a greater knowing of yourself and your God.

Who Knew Facebook Could Be a Blessing...

Facebook...that dreaded word. I dislike networking sites as much as reality tv, but a friend suggested signing up to help promote my business. Really...Facebook? No, please, no! Okay...I'll try (kicking and screaming all the way). Yet another thing to keep up with.

But I'm beginning to see the value. It's funny...most of my friends don't blog, much less facebook, so with whom would I connect? My sister-in-law suggested friends from high school...obviously coming from a gal who had a good high school experience.

I began searching classmates and found so many from those days...but the gurgling noise from within my throat made it quite apparent that this online journey was dredging up old wounds and dark shadows from the past. Hence my decision to put off this online world for another day.

Which brings me to yesterday. After more prompting I finally signed up for an account. I thought, "Nope, I'll just focus on the business side and leave the personal for another day." But my friend said, "You know, it might help to get your feet wet by learning the ropes on your personal account first." Ug! Not what I wanted to hear.

Okay, might as well try. Some how searching for those from the past didn't seem so daunting this time. Could it be that I'm growing? Maturing? Maybe...but the more I looked and added friends the more I felt my heart open. For so long I had closed off that part of my spirit. Hartsville did not hold good memories passed the age of 12. There were some good times, but more pain than pleasure.

By not wanting to think about that part of my life, I ignored a very important chunk of my soul. We are not our experiences. Everyone has challenges, but it's how we deal with them that matters. Did you suck back in high school, college or even yesterday?!! Join the club! Did you make stupid mistakes and wish you could erase an entire era? Who doesn't?

Some how God used Facebook to open a part of me that I had closed off long ago. How? I have no clue, but this time I saw faces of friends from the past who are different people now...people who have gone through their own challenges and trials...people who have grown and dared to believe a new dream for their lives. Life is a journey and takes us down so many twists and turns that it's hard to keep track. But if we're willing to hang in there and embrace the blessings that each day brings, we'll go further than we could ever imagine.

I'm Still Alive!!!

Yes, I'm still here! I know several of you thought I just abandoned my blog, but I'm back...slowly but surely! Thank you so much for all of your emails and notes of encouragement!! Mom is doing much better and we're so glad she's still on her road to recovery! It seems the body has its own idea of how long that recovery time will be, so we're hanging in there with it.

The raw food program...well...it's an awesome way to eat and I can see soooooo many benefits to living this way, but for me it wasn't a complete fit. I'm an Irish/German girl and I love my meat and potatoes so cooked foods are back on the menu, but in moderation.

I'll keep you posted on how things go!

The Raw Food Journey...

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since my kitchen has gone 100% raw. I will have to admit I started out okay, but faded off at the end of the first week. I have a tendency to like snacky things when stressed and the last couple of weeks have been really busy and very stressful so chips and soda made their way back in. But that was the past, and today is a new day!

The dehydrator I ordered arrived today and I'm already making things to help with the munchies. I'm making flax seed crackers, salt and vinegar potato chips and lemon poppy seed cookies...awesome!! That will cover any craving that might pop up! The crackers are awesome with salsa or a slice of nut cheese.

The key to staying on this program is being prepared and having things that you can just grab quickly. Try to think out of the box. When you've eaten the same way for so long, you tend to gravitate to the same old things. When I think of a raw-only salad my mind automatically snaps to the traditional lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, onions and nuts, or maybe an apple and walnut salad but there's so much more! It's just becoming more mindful of options and trying something different instead of sticking with the tried-and-trues.

This is a week of new recipes. I wanted to make things as easy as possible when I started out, but quickly realized variety is going to be very important for me. So I found some neat meals to try...tomorrow it's gazpacho (never been a fan of cold soup, but this sounds pretty good so I'm game), then raw ravioli for Friday and I found a great kim-chi recipe that might just become a staple in my ice-box!!

Getting connected will also help keep you on track. It's so much better when you do things with others. My Mom and I have a friend who is thinking of joining us on this journey as well as a cousin who seems pretty excited about this! I've joined a raw food group at our local Earth Fare (natural grocery store/food co-op) and can't wait to learn from others who are eating this same way! Community is a great thing! Be well...

Miraculous Gifts and Talents...Gifted Hands - Are You Using Yours?

I watched the most amazing movie tonight on TNT..."Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story." It's based on the popular book by Dr. Ben Carson whose inspiring story tells of a frustrated inner-city kid whose faith in God helped him become director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins University Hospital.

For those of you who cry at the drop of a hat, get the tissues ready. In the face of challenge after challenge Ben had the love of an encouraging Mother who told her boys they could do anything! Even in the midst of her own self doubt, she knew her children were destined for greatness.

As God's children we are all destined for greatness. He has blessed each of us with miraculous gifts and talents to give to this world we share. But how many of us allow the battles we face to drown out those callings? Those small nudges inside that say, "Yes, you can do this! Yes, you are a blessing! I have created you as a gift to the world...to make it a better place in My name."
I offer you a challenge...to listen to that small voice inside. To hear the calling that is resting in your heart. I challenge you to be bold enough to embrace your gifts and talents and use them to touch others in God's name. We never know how even the small gesture of a smile or encouraging word can utterly change the course of someone's life. Do you know how special you are? Do you know you have miracles just waiting to be performed through you? If you don't know this yet, I encourage you to watch Gifted Hands...and then begin using yours.